Labour are back in power!

"And no anchovies!" Cameron gets
tough with Theresa May. Clegg rather
 likes anchovies but says nothing.

We won! We won! Rejoice! Well, when I say we won, I mean that the Labour Party won. I'm not entirely sure that means 'we' but at least it means the Tories didn't win. My enemy's enemy etc. Yes, the Tories lost and that means the end of tyranny and injustice throughout the land. Tiny Tim will live, no more cuts, no more VAT rises, no more student fees, no more public executions...

I don't think I am over-stating it when I say it's the constitutional equivalent of destroying the Coalition Death Star - or were the Coalition the goodies? I don't know and, frankly, this is no time for fact checking. Darth Cameron and his stormtrooper Jabba the Clegg have seen their forces routed by the cuddly new E 'wok' Miliband...What are you saying Chewbacca? The Coalition hasn't collapsed? The Death Star wasn't destroyed?  We are still facing a winter feeling the full force of the cuts.

Always bad news

Well, looking on the Mr Brightside at least that's one less seat that Labour have to win. Two less for the Coalition majority. We're a step closer to the promised land and a new era of hope and fair government. What is it Lassie? You mean Labour already held the seat? Labour won the seat in May but a special court found ex-Labour minister Phil Woolas made false statements about the Lib Dem candidate and the result was declared void. So Labour won a seat they already had. Even so, Lassie, it's a morale boosting result for everyone who opposes the evil Coalition.

Time at least for a few rousing words to Labour's Rebel Alliance massing on Saddleworthonia. Time for one of those inspiring speeches that Eddie M has become famous for, here it comes: "I think the voters of Oldham east and Saddleworth have sent a very clear message to the government about some of the things they've been doing" 'Some of the things,' Eddie? Only, 'some of the things'? Well, that showed them. What a battle cry. It's like Father Ted's "Down with that sort of thing."

In case you don't recognise him
- this is the less well known Miliband

We don't like 'some of the things' the government is doing! How very considered. Which bits do we like? "We don't like the cuts and stuff but we do really like the new wallpaper in the Cabinet Rooms." Hang on, don't panic, there's more: "But more importantly, I hope the government will listen to what they've said about those key issues." You tell them Eddie, I 'hope' they listen too...but what if they don't?" Here comes the knock out blow: "This is the first step in a long journey for Labour." Sorry, but I feel a bit depressed now. I think I might go home and cry...

More importantly, at least the the Lib Dems lost, and if there is one thing we dislike more than Tories, it's the Parliamentary Liberal Democrats. I say 'Parliamentary' because, to show I am not a complete bigot, I want to admit that some of my best friends are Lib Dems. It would be a bit awkward in Bathavonton to get the right numbers for dinner parties if we could only invite Revolutionary Syndicalist Reactionaries like ourselves. To the RSRs, any agreement on a time or a menu for dinner would signify an acquiescence to bourgeois bureaucratic tendencies and would require an immediate programme of re-education.

In the old days, Liberal dinner guests always seem so easy to please. Always on time. So polite. Never overstay their welcome. They may not always have agreed with the principles of the RSR, but at least they expressed the appropriate level of guilt for their divergence from the the correct ideology. They were keen to assure everyone, 'that they had heard Bash Street Comp was very good, it's just that Eton was a family tradition.' Inviting a Lib Dem to dinner used to be like inviting the punchline. The Party were so charmingly ineffectual, you just had to vote for them occasionally. Their conversion to the 'dark side' has been like discovering that the little boy you sponsored through school turned out to be one of the Taliban. But now we know what they are really like we won't fall for that again...will we?

Skip - "You are dumber than a sheep"

Hang on Skippy, you must be mistaken. The Lib Dem share of the vote went up? THE LIB DEM VOTE WENT UP? Obviously, a party that has proved itself to be utterly untrustworthy and lacking in any moral fibre has become more popular. Of course it has. Now that it is clear that the Lib Dems are led by two of the most cynical and self-serving politicians of our time - against some very strong opposition - it is obvious that they should gain the respect of the British electorate. In fact, looking at the result, it appears that Clegg and Cable's duplicity has been so pronounced that a lot of confused Tories ended up voting for them. What colour do you get if you mix blue and orange. It can only be a matter of time.

Canthingsonlygetbetter?