Cheryl Cole's Hair is Inspiring

 

 
I don't need to tell you that politics is the expression of unobtainable utopian goals supported by an appropriate interpretation of history. Like a selection of biscuits brought out to impress the neighbours, the 'historical facts' are carefully selected to give an impression that this is how we always live. Political argument uses history but creates a mythology. Don't like immigration? 'We were all White Anglo-Saxon Protestants once, weren't we?' Don't like Europe? Pull out a picture of Churchill and a spitfire. The myths seduce and unite - or just as often make clear who are 'us' and who are 'the scroungers.' We love the myths. The trouble is that the myths are so powerful that our neighbours think we live on chocolate fancies when in truth there are some ageing Garibaldis in the cupboard.

“I would like to have hair like her.' No dissent. Just the sage hum of agreement. It was the defining moment of my trip to a history event in an all-girls school. The organisers had asked, “What is the point of teaching history?” and the debate had moved inevitably to the follicular aspirations of young girls in the early 21^st Century. It was not the first time this modern Eva Peron had been cited as the torchbearer for a generation but it was the moment I recognised her power as a unifying force. In a week that saw the emergence of the Tea-Party Movement as a populist force in American politics - Britain was experiencing its own paradigm shift. Her millions of followers know her simply as Cheryl.

"Controversially, Tara was given custody of Cheryl's hair"

 

Once upon a time a baby-girl was born. Her parents, ex-Newcastle City footballer Andy Cole and Tara Palmer Tompkinson-Cole and Sons, glamorous wallpaper hanger and I.T. girl, called her Cheryl Cole. Tragically for Cheryl and her hair the happiness was short-lived. The marriage ended soon after the birth with Andy gaining custody of Cheryl but controversially, Tara was given custody of Cheryl's already precocious hair. Proud of his Geordie roots, Andy raised Cheryl in the grimy terraces of St James' Park, home to many premiership footballers and their families. Poor but happy - she developed a loveable smile to help her father beg during the cricket season learning her authentic 'common-touch' was invaluable to making ends meet.

Meanwhile, Cheryl's hair was raised in bohemian south-east England. Gelling immediately with the fast set, it experimented with a series of styles that sent shockwaves through High Barnet society. (Ooh stop it!). Its life was changed forever when it discovered that bald but plucky Cheryl was living in the Newcastle slums. Determined to make amends the hair gave up the high life. It fell under the influence of Italian left-wing theorist Carlo Ancelloti and published her influential feminist tract, 'Girls Allowed'. With Cheryl on the brink of being voted off TV's 'Some Working Class People Can't Sing', the hair felt it was finally time to meet her body. The emotional reunion took place in front of millions of viewers and the rest is history.

Since that time Cheryl and her hair have become a formidable force - uniting a nation in a fight against tyranny. Who has not been inspired by Cheryl's message? 'With the right hair we can all be successful'. It has not gone unnoticed. Inevitably, where the UK leads - the USA follows. Influenced by Cheryl's message of hope, the Tea-Party movement has galvanised Republican support with its equally plausible articulation of the American Dream. 'We don't need taxes because everybody is born with an equal chance in life.' 'If the son of an oil millionaire, like George W. can become President, so can you.'

In 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance', Jimmy Stewart is told, 'when the legend becomes fact, print the legend.' People want to believe the legend. The mythology is more powerful than the truth. Progressive politics needs a new mythology and like millions of young girls I think that Cheryl's hair may have the answer.

Now, I'm off to buy a lottery ticket...